I’ve had some epiphanies here recently that I just have to get on paper. Some were helped along by some wonderful people and some came to me in my alone time (the shower…..).
Epiphany #1:
While I was in Utah last month I was able to visit with my lifelong friend Mandi. Mandi has always been VERY beautiful and put together. However, she has also been very practical. She has never fussed over herself or her appearance (to the extreme that is). She has always had a very kid friendly, practical house. We get along GREAT!! However, when I saw her this last time I noticed she had “stepped it up a notch”. Her clothes were very cute, her house decorated very nicely and her all around persona had changed. After just a few hours with her I HAD to ask (since I have no tact….one thing Mandi has always had) ‘Mandi, why are you so…..”in” now?’ She kinda chuckled and said ‘Well, I woke up one morning and realized I needed to stop wearing my husbands t-shirts and be a woman’. Her sentence struck me like lightening (as I stood there in Scott’s old t-shirt and VERY baggy jeans). She was right, she had recalled her womanhood. She was still a mom (fabulous I must say) and a wife, but she also realized that she was a woman and needed to remember that too. I pondered on that for days, heck, I’m still pondering on it!
It didn’t stop there though. Oh, no. Little did I know this was the trip that would change my life. I met up with Cathy and her daughter Tory. Tory was getting married and therefore we ended up having quite a few discussions on the matter of womanhood and marriage. My amazing friend Cathy (not in these exact words mind you, she too has way more tact than I’d ever dream of having) helped me to see how frumpy I had become and how it seemed as though I had lost the woman in me and had become “just a mom”. She told me that it was ok for a mom to dress nice, even sexy (not for me, at least not now…..). She helped me realize how important it is to continue to be excited when I was about to see Scott and that I should get dressed for the occasion, just as I would when we were dating. It was important for Scott to have constant reminders (visual mind you, since that is how men work apparently) of how beautiful the woman (not the mom) is that he married.
I’ll be honest with you. I had a VERY hard time warming up to this idea. Cathy wouldn’t relent though. Since I wasn’t going to see Scott till the day of the wedding, Cathy suggested we surprise him. We got a few things, I borrowed a few things and voila, new Sami. I was fairly doubtful it would work, but ya know what, IT DID! Even the kids kept telling me how beautiful I was. I guess it’s easy to forget you are a beautiful woman when you are wiping up all kinds of who knows what from every orifice of your kids’ body.
As soon as I got home I had thoughts of ‘that was fun while it lasted, now I’m back to reality’ and ‘Who really does this everyday anyway?’ Then more wise friends showed up at my house, Audrey and Camille. I’m sure they have no idea what they did, but it helped to change my perspective. They were having this conversation about how they looked. They joked that when their husband calls to tell them he is leaving the office they know they have X amount of time to get showered and dressed. It hit me, women, ordinary women, moms, housewives, do care what their husbands think and strive each and everyday to do the one service that he probably appreciates the most, look as lovely as they did the day they fell in love. In our 10 years of marriage it never occurred to me that I should take his ‘I’m coming home’ call as the clue to freshen up. I always used that call as a gauge to how much more I had to do before he walked in and I gave him the list. If I had had ‘one of those days’ the last thing I thought about was trying to impress my husband. Well, after all this I decided it was time to go to the source, ask Scott.
And the survey says…..yes he would enjoy seeing me dressed everyday when he got home from work. He also said that it makes him feel as though I had a good day when he walks in and I’m dressed and the kids are all dressed too. Really? I asked him if there was anything else I could do (I figured since I was changing I might as well change it all). He said he would enjoy a consistent dinner time. Lately, I’ve been one to have dinner haphazardly, if at all. Since our kids go to bed before Scott gets home, it made more sense to feed them, put them to bed and let Scott warm up the left overs.
I was glad I asked and that was all the answer I needed. Here we are 3 weeks later and I’m happy to report that I have been showered and dressed everyday before Scott gets home and there is a hot meal on the table waiting for him. Do you know how wonderful it feels? You probably do since you’ve clued into all this, but for me, it’s been bliss. Not only do I feel better but we are all happier. Ok, so don’t get the impression we are all roses over here. We are still a family of 8 and there are plenty of thorns, but we just seem happier, more content maybe. I’ve found the joy in cooking again and I’ve gotten at least 5 minutes of quiet time each day (that’s about how long it takes for the kids to realize I am no longer in the room but in the shower).
you obviously haven’t read “facinating womanhood”. I read it for laughs, but actually the premise is a good one and right along the lines of your epiphany. I think Jen has it!