Here is a little known fact about me. Are you ready? I’m almost embarrassed to admit it. I am petrified of giving talks. As my family so lovingly says ‘I can make friends with a lamp post’. But put me in front of a congregation at church and I’m as petrified as old wood!
My New Years’ day talk was no different. I had it all written out, word for word. All I had to do was read it. I stood up, said the first sentence and froze. Couldn’t say a word. Just looked at the paper and talked myself out of bolting. There is an exit SUPER close to the podium. It would have been easy to bolt. Scott said he knew that was what I was contemplating and was trying to decide what he would do if I did leave (I’ve done it before….). Finally, I hit the podium with my fist and said ‘I HATE THIS!!’ That seemed to be enough and I was able to get started once again.
I froze one other time about halfway through but got through that one better. It took almost 5 minutes for me to stop shaking once I sat down (I timed it). I had a headache the rest of the day and had to take a nap after church.
The worst part about this fear is that it frustrates me that I can’t give a talk. Perhaps most people would think that I would dread the next talk or even be inclined to say no to giving talks. But in actuality I’d like to give more talks so I can get over this stupid fear. I HATE the fact that I can’t stand up in sacrament meeting and have as much personality as I do when I teach primary or R.S. or even nursery. Nope, can’t figure this one out. And since I only give talks about once every 3 years, this fear will take a long time to overcome.
Who knew??
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